What In the World!

Nothing better on a hot day than a sweet treat with a good friend.

The other day I came down the stairs in time to catch my sweet daughter dive quickly under the coffee table. Obviously she was up to no good. As I bent down to see what manner of trouble she had found this time, I noticed her sticky brown hands and dirty brown beard. Fortunately the coffee table is brown and the throw rug is multi-colored, so the good news is whatever the brown stuff was that she inevitably had smeared everywhere had blended right in with the decor.

It didn’t take me long to figure out what she had been into by the hazelnut smell. Often we enjoy a spoon of Nutella (who doesn’t?) for dessert after an incredibly healthy supper filled with vegetables. Yep!

But I guess this particular time one spoon wasn’t enough for her and she couldn’t wait until after her next meal. She had been scooping nutty chocolate goodness out of the container with (I can reasonably assume based on previous information) not so clean fingers. While riding the waves of her sugar high she glared at me with crazy rabid animal eyes and growled – yes, I said growled – at me when I tried to take the container from her.

            Prying that nearly empty jar of Nutella out of her greedy little hands was like trying to steal Golum’s Precious.

Yummmmm. Caaaaaake.

            Of course, I understand where she’s coming from. I know she inherited her unrelenting sweet tooth from me. But we all know there are times in which dessert is just not appropriate, for instance at 3 a.m. And unlike a toddler I do have some self control. At least when I’m not all alone.

            I just recently learned the secret code phrase for when you’re downstairs trying to sneak candy while your mom thinks you're upstairs watching The Disney Channel: "I'm...uh...just....uh guarding the dishwasher!" Riiiiiiiiiiigggghhhhhhht.

            It’s taking a lot of trial and error on her part, but slowly she is trying to learn how to be sneakier about the sweets when she thinks I’m unaware. I almost long for the early days when she would tattle on herself whenever she got into something she knew she wasn’t supposed to be eating. Around our house that actually happens quite often.

Don't bother me. I'm sneaking a snack.

            It shouldn’t surprise you that we spend a lot of meals at our house at the drive-thru. Or if it’s a more fancy meal, we might order ahead and take it home rather than inflict my loud talking child on other diners. And after all, why not forego the labor intensive cooking part and head right into the enjoyable eating part?

            These dinner times can be a treasure trove of funny things kids say.

            The funniest mealtime quip I can remember happened one night after ordering takeout as Chris was in the mist of enjoying French fries drenched in ketchup. I’m not a ketchup fan and don’t understand the appeal. But with refined tastes of a grade-schooler, she believes no French fry is complete without it. To me, a little goes a long way. And for her, ketchup doesn’t stop at the fries. Chris would bathe in ketchup if you gave her the option and if any ends up on her fingers, it’s a wonder they aren’t gnarled off in the licking process.

            So that night we did indeed enjoy a lovely meal. We stuffed ourselves into oblivion and then I went into the kitchen to do the dishes (read ‘throw the leftover carryout trash away’). After I hadn’t heard from her in a while - never a good sign - I sighed and for the what might have been the thousandth time in our short lives together I uttered the words, “Chris, what are you doing?”

            No answer.

            “Chris!” I said louder. “What! Are! You! Doing?”

            Still no answer.

I sighed again knowing I would have to go investigate and having visions of ketchup smeared from one end of the light tan carpet to the other.

            But then a giggling Chris came running into the kitchen and escorted me back to a makeshift fort she had created between the ottoman and the wall. It was there that I found that instead of dragging the ketchup across the floor, she had instead been dragging her tongue through a contraband container of ketchup.

            I will never forget the look spark in her eyes as she excitedly told me, “Mommy, come see what in the world I think I’m doing!”

            Now the bad part is that because of my uncontrollable laughing, “What in the world!” has become a phrase of glee when you’re doing something naughty that someone else might find funny instead of the intended expression of surprised horror.

            Gotta find a new catch phrase.

My compliments to Chef Boyardee