How To Dress For the Attention You Probably Won't Get

I know you don't care, but this is how you do pretty shoes.

           A couple of weeks ago, Chris and I spent a day home from school and work babysitting a friend’s 3-year-old son. Despite the fact that he is three years her junior, Chris shot out of bed that morning and informed me she was going to wear a dress because she “wanted to look nice for Landon.” I know it’s fruitless to argue with her when she has the perfect outfit designed in her head - snowboots in August and tank tops at Christmas Eve dinner are the norm if she is out to impress someone.

Dressing up. As usual.

I texted my friend with the news that my daughter was already honing her skills of dressing for young men who probably won’t even notice. I hope Chris is prepared for the future of agonizing over her closet for the perfect date-night outfit when pretty much anything, including hole-ly sweatpants, is as good as the next thing.

I don’t really think it is the fault of the male sex that they don’t notice our attire, no matter how many sequins my mother thinks are necessary. Fortunately clothes aren’t the most important thing to everybody on the planet, especially boys who may only realize they’re wearing clothes when their mothers are yelling at them for covering them with dirt and holes.

I do believe, though, that for some girls an obsession with fashion is ingrained in our DNA. It’s possible Chris caught the fashion bug from me. But although I do like to clean myself up now and then I’ve never been known as the snappiest dresser on the planet. In Chris’ case, I believe her desire to dress up is only part Disney Channel advertising influence, and a larger part genetics.

I distinctly remember my niece Riley when she was about Chris’ age coming for a visit and talking me into taking her and my nephew shopping. While my nephew gravitated instantly towards a Spider Man t-shirt and shorts that could take a bit of rough-housing, my niece instead begged for the frilliest dress in the store. I tried to steer her towards a “play” outfit, but much like Chris my niece was able to hypnotize me with glitter until I whipped out my wallet and bought her that stinking dress.

Frilly skirt and glittery shoes and
you will get a high-wattage smile.

Once the fabric slipped over her head, Riley proceeded to twirl in front of everyone in the house and asked, “Don’t I look pretty?” Of course, everyone agreed. How could one not when it comes to a six-year-old in a fancy dress that lights up her face?

Well I could. Kind of.

When the “Don’t I look pretty?” question was asked of me, I stared Riley straight in her eyes and replied, “You look very smart.”

Crickets chirped in the background and her eyes rolled so high they nearly saw the back of her hairdo. Then my niece turned on her heels (the highest kid heels I could stand to purchase, of course) and moved on to the next adult who would fulfill her ego by telling her that her dress was nearly as beautiful as her.

With the right clothes, I will always look this cute.

I sigh every time my daughter asks me the same question. I sigh because I know that no matter how much I want to instill in her a self-confidence that doesn’t rely on a dress size or clear skin or flowing golden hair, shopping will drive those things far from her mind. She may not want to turn into a simpering idiot every time a cute boy comes around, but I can almost guarantee she will run to her room and throw on a more attractive outfit if she sees that cute boy nearby.

So back to Landon.

When he and his mother entered our house a couple of weeks ago, Chris could barely contain her excitement at showing off her new Hello Kitty dress. She preened in her chair at the breakfast table and batted her eyes as she asked him, “Do you like my dress?”

True to form, Landon chewed his pancakes thoughtfully as he looked her up and down. Then quietly came the answer, “Can we go to the park?”

What can you expect from a 3-year-old? Or I guess any man?

Don’t worry, Chris didn’t seem disappointed. She will just wear a more glittery dress next time.

The ultimate dress-up.