Wednesday, July 17, 2013

How Much, Exactly, Is Too Much?

         
Fancy a spot of tea? We've got you covered.
             My mother emailed me yesterday with a quick message that read, “Chris decided she wants to host a tea party after you get off work tonight. Sound good?”
            “Of course,” I replied, smiling at the thought of cookies dipped in lukewarm tea in plastic cups and maybe a feather boa draped across our necks with big earrings dripping from our lobes. Duh. I should know by now that such a party is lame for the females in our house. We do theme parties. On steroids.
            Last night I walked into Grandma’s house where Chris has been spending her summer days and immediately felt a flowery hat being plopped on my head. A flowing scarf was draped around my neck where it clashed with the gym clothes I naively thought I would sweat all over after an obligatory few sips of tea. That did not happen since I ended up too stuffed with tea party goodies.
Even Grandpa has to suffer through our craziness.
            I was escorted into the kitchen and given the fancy rundown. The table was set with a lovely vase of flowers on a dainty tablecloth and surrounded by fine china and decorated napkins. Bowls of Strawberry Romanov graced each setting. Nearby was a tray of homemade scones with clotted cream and lemon curd topping, a plate of cucumber finger sandwiches, and a fancy teapot filled with steaming liquid. Undoubtedly the teapot was one Grandma carted back from her trip to England – because it NEEDS to be authentic.
            As we nibbled on the delicacies Chris had slaved over all day, Grandpa remarked that if only it wasn’t 104 degrees outside we could make the afternoon more authentic by dining on the lawn as a cricket match played in the background. Or maybe cheer on some polo players.
            It’s not the first time we’ve had such a tea party. Mom and I stayed up into the wee hours to watch Will & Kate’s nuptials a few years ago. We enjoyed some biscuits (that’s cookies to you uncultured folk) on that long night and laughed at how fun it was to have a full-on British feast.
See, we don’t just clink our teacups and call it a day. We go completely overboard and fall into every stereotype imaginable. That’s how we roll.
Please enjoy the train ride and excuse us while we beat the birthday train theme like a dead horse.

            It doesn’t stop with the London loving. We go overboard with every party we have. It seems like once we get a theme in our heads, we can’t stop the fabulous ideas. For instance, Chris’ last birthday was a BBQ party in the yard. So of course she had a hamburger-shaped cake complete with matching “Chris-py Fries” made out of cookies and invitations shaped like a BBQ grill.
            A couple of years ago when her birthday was at a train park, of course she got a train cake complete with cars of toxic waste, gold nuggets, logs and circus animals.
            Then there was a flip flop birthday with a flip flop-shaped piñata, a beach scene cake and flip flop picture frames in goodie bags decorated with…flip flops.
It may be a bit much, but it's the
coolest pinata you will ever see!
            It’s not only Chris who gets a full-fledged theme shoved down her throat.
            When my niece turned 16, we had an Academy Awards/movie party for her birthday. The glittery event featured a red carpet leading to the front door where her movie poster face welcomed guests, star-shaped cookies, theater popcorn containers and Oscar statue party favors.
            When my nephew graduated from high school he didn’t just get some Star Wars plates and streamers. No, no. He got a Millennium Falcon-shaped cake, Chewbacca cookies, a Death Star piñata and Light Sabers made out of pool noodles. Plates and streamers? Those are for wimps.
            I know it all sounds utterly delightful. And it is. Really if you enjoy being bombarded by a theme until you think you may throw up from all the matchy matchyness, we are your party planners.
But I can’t help but wonder if I’m saddling my child with another therapy-inducing personality trait. Will she spend the rest of grade school thinking a book report about the civil war isn’t complete without a period costume and hardtack snacks? Can she imagine a Halloween in which the entire family, including the dogs, isn’t trick-or-treating in an outfit that would be found in the Bee Movie (yes, last year we were worker bees, a honey bee, a queen bee and a bee keeper)?
Not just a cool cake. But thermal detonators too.
            It all hit home the other night when Chris told me, incredulously, that one of her friends didn’t have a vocabulary quite as large as her own. In fact, she told me, she had to explain to her friend what the world “overboard” meant. “Say it’s my birthday and instead of just buying me a cake my mom makes me a special cake that’s really huge and she decorates everything with tons of balloons and stuff and it’s all the same theme, that’s going overboard,” Chris explained.

            Oh. 
            Does that mean we should reign ourselves in? I’ll work on that. As soon as we finish this year’s “Cats! Halloween Extravaganza!” 

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